To Remember
you know what movie
i absolutely hate?
Hercules.
the Disney one.
and you knew that.
you would put it on
when we’d bite at each
other with words.
i’d storm off
to god knows where
my room,
outside,
far far away it seemed
no matter where
but when i came back
i could hear it playing
and it made me so so
mad.
i wanted to throw
fire at you for
doing that.
it was that one thing
you knew i hated and yet,
you didn’t seem to care.
you threw the fire right back at me
and it burned what love
we thought we had.
“unhealthy relationship”
that’s what they would
label it as.
they would say,
“you need to break up-
for the both of you”
and now all i wonder
is why we never listened.
i can remember my breath hitching
when we’d go out on dates
because i’d look at my reflection
and see the fat bulging out.
and i particularly remember my
breath hitching,
but not because i love you,
but because i was afraid you would
hate me.
i remember thinking that was the best date we’d had yet.
and i now remember
how we barely talked that entire time,
how insecure we both were,
how it all came rolling down on us
like the cataclysm of
“you need to break up”.
i don’t remember
the time when we
finally
decided to stop holding onto
a relationship
that we should have never
even grasped.
but i remember the late phone calls,
and the beer soaking into our clothes,
our mouths,
and i remember the first time,
and the last time,
we made love.
i remember every excruciating detail
so how is it?
that i can’t even remember
the color of your eyes?
or which movie you hate?
how is it that i remember those nights
where you’d put that stupid movie on,
and yet, now that i think,
your name seems to be forgotten.
i’d hate you now,
but the thing is,
i can’t even remember who you are.