you know what movie

i absolutely hate?

   Hercules.

 the Disney one.

            and you knew that.

you would put it on

when we’d bite at each

other with words.

                        i’d storm off

to god knows where

my room,

outside,

far far away it seemed

                        no matter where

but when i came back

            i could hear it playing

            and it made me so so

                        mad.

i wanted to throw

fire at you for

doing that.

            it was that one thing

            you knew i hated and yet,

            you didn’t seem to care.

you threw the fire right back at me

and it burned what love

we thought we had.

            “unhealthy relationship”

that’s what they would

            label it as.

they would say,

                        “you need to break up-

                        for the both of you”

and now all i wonder

is why we never listened.

i can remember my breath hitching

when we’d go out on dates

because i’d look at my reflection

and see the fat bulging out.

            and i particularly remember my

breath hitching,

but not because i love you,

but because i was afraid you would

hate me.

i remember thinking that was the best date we’d had yet.

                        and i now remember

            how we barely talked that entire time,

            how insecure we both were,

            how it all came rolling down on us

                        like the cataclysm of

                                    “you need to break up”.

i don’t remember

the time when we

finally

decided to stop holding onto

a relationship

            that we should have never

            even grasped.

but i remember the late phone calls,

and the beer soaking into our clothes,

our mouths,

and i remember the first time,

and the last time,

we made love.

            i remember every excruciating detail

            so how is it?

that i can’t even remember

            the color of your eyes?

or which movie you hate?

            how is it that i remember those nights

where you’d put that stupid movie on,

                        and yet, now that i think,

                                                your name seems to be forgotten.

i’d hate you now,

            but the thing is,

i can’t even remember who you are.